Monday, October 18, 2010

this was really the day before.

I woke up feeling cold.
I felt fat at times.
I felt lazy.
I felt uncomfortable.
I ditched class.
I didn't do anything in 2 of my classes.
I wanted to cry.
I loved the way the sun's heat touched my skin.
I was disgusted by the smog coming from a car.
I thought to myself, "how can people be so rude?"
I was dissappointed in the fact that Bush will be our president for 4 more years.
I wanted to lay down on tall grass and feel bugs crawl on me.
I again thought, "so I guess tomorrow never comes."
I wished I was somewhere other than were I was.
I felt like dying my hair, crimson.
I bite my nails without really realizing it.
I wanted to get home and lay on my bed.
I was happy at the thought that today I have no homework.
I felt confused.
I felt as if I was in a place I didn't have to be.. I didn't want to be in.
I thought about how happy people look.
I thought about my thoughts.
I wasn't hungry, but I aet.
I didn't want to look in the mirror.
I felt a bit of jealousy.
I hear gossip.
I told someone to shut up.
I felt anger in me.
I thought, 'why do unimportaint things matter to people?'
I felt annoyed.
I wanted someone to hug me.
I talked to friends.
I walked alone.
I hugged and kissed my cat.
I reflected on the day.
I looked at things outside my body.
I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs and hope no one will hear me.
I hoped the phone rang.
I wondered what I would do on the next day.
I thought about when I heard, 'this is what a feminist looks like.'
I wonder what it would feel to be someone else's shoes.
I thought about how I felt and gave up.

[Reminiscing about my past as I looked through my online journals.. I found this. I still remember those days when I thought I was wiser than most my age. Posted on 11/04/2004.]

Sunday, October 10, 2010

preparing for the coldest winter of my life!

Zanahorias, beets, ginger, celery, and apples for more sweetness! 


building my immunities so that I can continue giving it my all! 

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